Many times in our relationships, we desire the cake of the relationship, Desert or the pleasurable part without doing the necessary things such as communicating as the prerequisite in getting to the pleasurable part.Many people do not realize the true essence of lovemaking and many more would be surprised to find out that the "real know how" is found in the Bible. Yes,The Bible! This is where many churches fail because the Bible covers every aspect of our lives including "sex." Many churches feel to speak of sex is to condone premarital lust, fornication and adultery. This could not be further from the truth. "You can lead a horse to water; but you cannot make him drink." The sins of premarital sex is charged to the game of those whom are playing without being officially registered before the Father. Trust me, I have illegal points in the game as well; but, it's never too late or too early to learn the official rules of the game. WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER! For many parents with coming of age children, we need to have a true guideline when speaking of sex with our children and I cannot think of a better place to begin than with the Bible. Trust me, it's very deep. It's the true version of how a man is to treat his woman and how she is to receive him. This is not those watered down porn flicks, self-help books, etc.. Ladies if you are tired of the disappointment and feelings of emptiness after all has been said and done, you need this. Men, if you are clueless, which most of you are, you definitely need this! Inquiring minds want and need to know: " How Can I Get My True Groove On?" The wisest man Solomon author of such books as Proverbs and Ecclesiastes explains what a man is suppose to feel for his bride. His love for her is not to be superficial; but genuine. We all know anything that is superficial is not long lived because it deals with the surface, it's not internal. For any of us to truly love someone it has to deal with their inner person (personality) and not their looks or their material possessions. Do you feel me, Ladies? We must love him and not what he possess and men you cannot just love us for our looks and this include our bodies. These are the things that attract us, I know; but in order to be successful in a marriage we must know the fundamentals of an healthy relationship. I say marriage because this is the context coming from an biblical standpoint. It is morally wrong to have sex outside of marriage. I know in this day and time, most, have ignored this, I am the first to admit "So have I"; but, the truth is the light. We cannot fit the Bible to accommodate our lives/lifestyles, it just does not work this way. If you are truly looking for a change, then you must be the change you want to see before you can see it anyone else. For instance Ladies, let's say you are in a so called committed relationship, is it truly an commitment if he does not put a ring on it and if he does places the ring, did it come with vows/marriage? Either way you can have the ring and no papers, it's just an relationship of convenience for him. He gets the perks of an husband and you perform the duties of an wife. Who wins? Think about it! For many of us, we were raised in the church by christian parents who failed when it came to speaking with us about sex. On both ends it was forbidden and many of us learned inappropriate values concerning sex. If the church would have an honest discussion of the godly nature of sexual relationships between an male and a female then our children as well as us will learn the beauty involved in the lovemaking process. Not doing so has resulted in the church's perpetuating the fact that people find it difficult to express their feelings about love, life and premarital sex. The book of Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon use poetry and figurative language to talk about love and life. I remember as a child, when my mother would bake her homemade cookies and I would want to eat them before I had my dinner. I could not wait to grab a few, hot out the oven. She would tell me "No"; because she knew this would ruin my appetite and I would not want to eat the meal she had cooked for my nourishment. The same issue is applied when having premarital sex. Being sexual creatures we spend a lot of time thinking about and anticipating sex. We learn all we can about the one pleasure that soothes the savage beasts which resides in each of us. Yet, we do not experience the beauty of sex as God intended it. We go through the motions; but we fail to understand the way God meant it to be and the result is often a tragic misunderstanding, especially if we leave out the moral, commitment and spiritual aspect of the relationship, which makes sex become animalistic. We then behave like animals without guidance or instruction. Animals just hookup and God did not intend this for people. Not being equally yoked as a man and wife leads to the downfall of many relationships this is why being Christians with the same faith, belief system and commitment to Christ promises longevity in a marital relationship. 2 Corinthians 6:14 admonishes us Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? You must have the common bond of Jesus Christ in your life; if you do, then you will do everything that is right concerning one another. I have yet to see where an Christian and an non-believer can coexist in an healthy relationship. Yes, it is possible to coexist with an non-believer; but, it's not healthy nor productive in your walk with Christ. A non-believer will do everything to test your faith because they do not understand nor will appreciate your faith. Non believers will want to party like rock stars, be drunk, not fellowship in church and anything else the devil we have them to do. They are most notorious for adultery. Being a Christian requires patience, diligence, belief in a higher power and reverence to God; Which requires consistently being in prayer and watchful of not sinning. Staying on the path of righteousness which means not bringing harm to others, spreading the world of God and putting others before yourself. Basically being a Christian is being focused on the right and not the wrong. How can you focus on being righteous when your spouse is continuously being wrong and wanting you to do wrong. Eventually you will give in for the love of them and not the love of God. See as an woman of faith looking for man of faith, I now realize the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to all facets of my life. First and foremost, I put God first. In every compartment of my life, I must acknowledge and give Him the praise. Being human can get in the way of being a Christian and being human like you, I am an sexual creature. Although, I have messed up, doesn't mean I cannot clean up. The temptation is many and the flesh is weak; but, this time around, I am getting it right. This time I am not lead by others who do not have to deal with my consequences. Nor do I seek the wrong love anymore; therefore, God is with me. Therefore, I now know and believe that romantic love is an important dimension of an Christian marriage.
Anticipation Song of Solomon 4:8-11 says,
8.Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions' dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards. 9.You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. 10.How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! 11.Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon.
Love calls in verse 8. In essence Solomon says, "Come with me, my love." He totally focused his attention on his bride. He was not demanding, it was a gentle invitation. He said "Lets climb up the mountain of our love together." He was gentling assuring her of her security in him and he was alleviating her fears. Note that he mentioned his spouse/bride five times in verses 8-12. It is important to note that according to the Bible, "real sex" is not only about the individual, but it is about the mate as well. They go to the mountain, or to an higher level, and they want to make sure they are on the same level. The husband was not on the mountain while the bride was still in the valley. Solomon, wanted his bride to come up to the level where he was. This was pure unselfish love. He wanted his bride every step of the way to experience what he was feeling. He was not rushing to get his and leave her unfulfilled. Too many of us ladies experience this far too often with the added burden of lying about how we were satisfied. Most of the time the men could care less if we were satisfied they just wanted to fulfill their desires. Most of men only used one of their parts and it was not the part that truly mattered. He may have been with you but how many others was on his mind? He does not belong to you and therefore he did not give of himself (heart, mind, body and soul).This is what you call "unequally yoked", where your spouse could care less about how you feel; especially in the bedroom.
Now moving on to Love captures in verses 9-11. Solomon told his wife in verse 9 she ravished him. In other words he told her she totally won his heart. With one glance she had totally enraptured him. In verse 9-10 he called her sister which is a term of friendship and affection. He was expressing how close they were-the intimacy of their relationship. He viewed her as his best friend. In verse 10, he told her she was better than wine. The spices refer to the physical intimacies of love; it is intoxicating it is sweet. Note that her smell was getting to him. Men are affected by sight and smell. All senses play a role in this beautiful music of romance. In verse 11, Solomon spoke of lips, drops and kisses. Their kissing became very intimate, very passionate, and it was designed to arouse them. Ladies, I don't know about you; but, I would prefer my love to be this way because of the appreciation aspect.
Appreciation (Song of Solomon 4:12-15)
12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. 13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the fine spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebannon.
Something very special was happening on the wedding night we should appreciate. In verse 12, we notice it was holy. Solomon said that her garden was locked up, enclosed. All metaphors speak of the purity of the wife. She was kept, protected, locked up and sealed, until it was time to give herself to her husband. One of the greatest blessings you can give your mate is your purity. Virginity is to still be celebrated, and that is for both men and women. Regardless of what is happening in society or how it is portrayed by different medias or friends, keep yourself for this moment, the Bible places an premium on sexual purity. God forbids all sex outside of marriage (see 1 Corinthians 6:15-18). Solomon described his pure bride as delightful and delicious, gathering fruits, flowers and fragrance, plants, orchards and spices. He was saying he could find everything he needed in her garden. He was saying to his wife that in her he found all he desired and he never grew tired of her. He found sexual pleasure in his mate and she satisfied him at all times. In verse 15, he spoke of the garden fountain, a source of flowing water of wells and streams. He described her as a place where he could refresh himself. To all other men, she was locked up and sealed. She was only available to the one with the key to her garden, and that was her husband. From her husband she held "nothing" back. Her duty is to refresh and satisfy her husband, which is exactly what sex inside the bounds of marriage is intended to do. I do not know if any of you may remember the song "Secret Garden (Sweet Seduction Suite) performed by Barry White, Al B. Sure, El De barge, James Ingram"; an Quincy Jones production, well this song affirms the unity of an husband and wife.
Definite Affirmation!
Affirmation (Song Of Solomon 4:16; 5:1a)
16 Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that it's fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste it's choice fruits!
I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride.
This is what we call an affirmation of love between the bride and the bridegroom. She was inviting her husband to make love to her. His reply was I have come, gathered, eaten and have drunk. He gathered his myrrh, he had eaten his honeycomb, he drank his wine and his milk....eight times he said. YOU GO BOY! This is the picture of a fully satisfying sexual experience.
Father God we just honor and thank you for wisdom in creating man and woman in your image, Your likeness, as sexual beings with sexual passions and appetites that are to be fulfilled in the holy bonds of marriage. Amen!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is what we are missing! This is why we must be equally yoked. Understanding, communication and love for the Father God. This is what brings us together, this is what blesses our union. There is no need to look to others outside our marriages when we come together in such a powerful and blessed way. Ladies, lock it up! It's time to get back to the true basics of what real love is about. Only you can grant access to your garden and that garden is intended for your HUSBAND. It does not matter that you are no longer a virgin in the flesh. You can renew yourself in the spirit and begin anew. Men, stop forcing yourselves mentally and physically on the women. Stop playing with their emotions! We all know, she is worth the wait. Ladies, be fair to yourselves. You deserve it! You want the lifetime journey, so please stop giving out rides. NO HITCHHIKERS! For all virgins, stay pure and wait for your husbands. Take it from someone who has already been there, it's not worth it!
Please read my journey: http://sweetmocha-monroe.hubpages.com/hub/LOSS-OF-INNOCENCE
God Bless
Copyright 2011. PFP
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